i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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