Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
