So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
