Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize