oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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