If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
