if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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