I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize