I just cut my nipple shaving
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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