You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
