what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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