Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
