Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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