Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
