I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
