Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
