I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
