I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize