I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
