He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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