dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize