mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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