A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my liver is dry heaving
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
