Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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