"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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