I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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