Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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