Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
