talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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