He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize