She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
