some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
