Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
