i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You took a bar mat shot.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
