i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
