Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
