Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
