Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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