Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
