Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
