So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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