oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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