the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Rumble strips road head = magical
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
