You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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