Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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