How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
