I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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