im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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