Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
