how can u be prego again
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
