ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
