Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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