You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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