in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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