new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
