Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
