I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize