Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
