wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
