I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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