I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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