You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize