my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think your dad took our porno
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
