When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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