this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
