the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
