i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
