god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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