i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i would one night stand the shit outta him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize