i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
