im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
