I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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