I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize