I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
