you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
