hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
