when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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