Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
