Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
