So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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