she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is Oprah even human
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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