my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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