I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
