call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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