We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
