Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
