if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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