Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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