Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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