To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
