I think my vagina is haunted
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
