The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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