so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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