I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
