Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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