Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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