the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
