I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize