I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
