Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
