Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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