he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
