I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
