Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
