it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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