Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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