she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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