He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize