You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize