sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
