I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
